Tonight I had the talk I needed to get me out of this funk. I am capable and in charge of my happiness, and I am the only one whom can choose whether I will be happy or not. I have no reason to be so miserable, and should therefore not be making others around me just as annoyed. I first need to realize my self-worth with true and honest certainty. I also need to remember everyone else I am affecting when I make decisions to act/feel as I do. I should not offend, irritate, or upset others. My relationship is at the core of my being, and if I wish to keep it intact I must think of the other individual involved. My personality can be one of undeniable stubbornness at times, so I will work on this. I will reiterate the fact that Jim loves me more than anyone ever could, and nothing he does is meant to hurt me or our relationship. We do not see eye-to-eye, which is definitely a good thing in my case. He sees reality as it truly is, as I construe and redefine what I believe each situation to be. My skin needs to thicken and my heart needs to open, as I let myself love and be loved, just as I allow myself to take criticism with a grain of salt. I must work on expressing myself, whether it be discussing my thoughts with others or not. Even after my cutting has stopped, I find it hard to develop a well thought out idea of what I believe I feel. Time will only help me grow stonger- I only hope that he is willing to wait as I further myself.
Thank you for being patient- and listening to me when I need it most. Even if you judge me, thank you for never showing it. I am truly sorry for the way I act; getting so easily upset. You are the greatest thing to ever come into my life, and I am ready to give myself wholly to you. I am still in this process, and I hope you will be by my side as I work through my conflicts. Although I realize life can be complicated, I never realized it would contain so much confusion and so many unknowns. And all that you do for me I hope to someday do in return. Yes, I love you, but I want to be the woman you need whom is confident ands knows you will never leave her side. This journey is ours to make, and I give you my word that I am trying to make it worth remembering for you (in a good way, that is). Please embrace us, for I cannot see my life being lived without you. I promise, it will be worth the wait, and when my insecurities have disappeared our love will flourish.
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