Two

I am two years sober today.  

"Achievement of your happiness is the only moral purpose of your life, and that happiness, not pain or mindless self-indulgence, is the proof of your moral integrity, since it is the proof and the result of your loyalty to the achievement of your values." Ayn Rand

  I woke early to the sound of my father shuffling to find his work clothes in the laundry room. It was peaceful to listen to the sound of normalcy. A few hours later, after taking my brother to school, I found my iPod and some warm clothes, and went for a run.
  The trail was empty- only a few small birds graced the path. Tree trunks were drunk with stagnet water. Two robins used the area for bathing. I stopped to sit on a bench, the one that overlooks our small town. Solar panels built on the local farm hide some of the view, but the landscape is still beautiful.
   The suddle noise of car engines filter the cooeing of newborn birds. This place is peaceful. I am peaceful. I sit for a few moments longer, daydreaming of my boy. Soon, the sun will find its way to us and our skin will breathe for the first time in months.
      I am longing for warm summer nights in the loft. With windows open, we will lie together, awake, long into the night.

Family

    I have been home for a mere four hours and already I am looking forward to leaving. I came home to a quiet house, and my sister arrived a few minutes later. Soon her new boyfriend is over, the third this year, and they retreated into her room.
     I understand that I am not perfect, but I would never act in such a way when my family members were around. They came out of the room just in time for my mother to walk in the door, acting like nothing was out of the ordinary. My sister was blatantly rude to my mom, lounging with her boyfriend downstairs in silence. Mom confronted them only to have my sister scream at her. And once my mom gets upset, she takes it out on everyone. It had not even been an hour since she got home before I was being yelled at.
    I love my sister, but I hate the way she confides in the most recent "true love" about our family. I hate the way she takes everything I own as if she is entitled to it because she is the greatest thing to ever grace this earth. I hate the way she makes everything her issue.
    I was so excited to come home today to see everyone, I let my boyfriends in a hurry, expecting something quite different than what I encountered. My mom left the house to get away from my sister, my brother is nursing a severely sprained ankle, and of course my sister is whining to her boyfriend about how terrible her life is.
    I love my family, but I hate how we act together, and I hate saying it is mostly Julie's fault right now, but it really does seem that way. We all have issues with her, but she is literally the hardest person to talk to. This is why I get so jealous over my boyfriend's family- they almost always get along, and when we visit we can actually spend time with them. When I visit my family we spend our time trying to avoid one another. I know things will change once my brother and sister get older, but I want us all happy now.

    I just spent another noteworthy weekend with the boyfriend. Being with him is always a beautiful break from reality- a small vacation in between long weeks of design. I find it harder to leave with each visit because I want more than anything to be able to stay.
    He does not belittle or patronize me like my roommates tend to do. At the end of the month I will be celebrating my second year self-injury free. Recently I have been reflecting on my progression, and I am so happy. My life is fulfilling- a have a great man in my life, a wonderful family, and am getting a great education. I have been successful in all aspects of my life, and I am greatful for getting a second chance.
   My life is beautiful, and I am so happy to know I have a handsome, smart, wonderful man to share myself with :)