Lately, I feel like I've been digging myself in a hole. Relationship wise. I don't know when to cut it out, and just be content, when to say what I'm feeling, and when to hold it back. I keep referring to past relationships when any of these issues arise, and I come to the same conclusion- just shut your mouth. I don't think it's working the way I planned.
I do a really good job at making any situation a catch-22. If I don't say what I want, I make myself upset, but if I do say what I want, I feel like a complete and utter bitch. If asked what I'd like to do that day, I usually end up saying something along the lines of, "Anything, it doesn't matter" or "Whatever you'd like, I don't care" when I actually do care. But who's a poor girl to talk when she won't be the one paying for any excursions or activities? So I stay quiet.
But then I'm too quiet- then somethings wrong. And then I cry, and ruin everything. Sometimes I wish I could push rewind, and just start over. But I keep digging further and further until I'm going to end up falling. Hard.
And I'm telling you, I don't want to fall. Everything is perfect, and I have a wonderful way of creating a tragedy where there shouldn't be one. So, my plan? Tell my feelings within reason and go with the flow. I love him too much to screw things up. I will not be having a repeat of hell anytime soon.
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