No, I am not beautiful. How can a girl be beautiful when she has hideous scars all over her body? How can anyone think she is attractive? I know my boyfriend loves me, more than anything in this world, but how can he even bear to look at me? I want to be attractive, I want him to look at me and really believe it. I understand how unappealing I must look, and I don't know why he puts up with me. I'll never be able to give him everything he deserves.
I know im intelligent, and maybe charming, but I know enough to understand that looks count for something. And there are a million other girls out there that could give him so much more than I have to offer. So much more than a mutilated body.
I want to give him everything, body, mind & soul. Two out of three doesn't cut it. I want to be an attractive, sensual woman for him. I want him to be able to show me off. I don't want to be repulsed in my own skin anymore.
I want him to look at me and think I am the most stunning thing he's ever layed eyes on. I want to be the only thing he lays his eyes on.
All of this wanting is pointless, I'll never have it. My reminders of the past will always be present. It's ridiculous to hope for change when it just isn't possible. The only thing I can do is learn to love myself. But I'm too stuck on the fact that I will never be good enough for the man of my dreams; the love of my life. And it makes me sad because he makes me happier than I ever thought anyone ever could. He is my everything, and I just want him to be able to have it all. I want it to be perfect. Sorry.
"The real lover is the man who can thrill you by kissing your forehead or smiling into your eyes or just staring into space." - Marilyn Monroe
Jim is this man for me. A truly amazing individual, with a beautiful soul. And a gorgeous smile.
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