Life seems to be passing me by way too quickly. Everyone is either getting married, having babies, or both. Do I want that for my life right now? Not quite. But do I eventually? Yes. It just seems that it should be happening sooner than I expected. I want to graduate, and settle myself before any of that.
I'm so very nervous that my boy will be wanting more than I can give him. And I know he says he's willing to wait. But is he willing to wait a year from now? I hate how I'm always thinking ahead, always questioning the future. Always debating for hours in my head how my life will turn out.
In the end I just end up making myself sad. It's a terrible feeling to have- feeling as if you are letting the person you love down. I try to give him everything I can, while still keeping myself intact. Why do I keep letting myself think he'll leave me? Why am I so vicious to myself? Why can't I just appreciate the fact that he's in my life right now?
I make myself sick.
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