Yesterday's rainstorm brought back memories of so many summer nights. Summer nights which I shared alone, and it was beautiful. I cannot recall a single care.
You can feel the storms coming in the air, the trees would shake ever so slightly, as if excited. The wind caresses your skin as if some kind of short embrace, sending goose-bumps up your body. Even indoors with the windows open you can feel this. So you press your face to the window as a five year old would do, waiting for their father to pull into the driveway after work.
The sky is overwhelmingly dark, but the rain has not arrived yet. You sit on the front steps, waiting in silence. And soon, it comes. The grass breathes new life as the first drop hits the ground. The aroma is delightful, and you sit for a few minutes before getting the urge to experience this phenomena for yourself. You run out into the middle of the field, tilt your head up to the sky, and feel. You feel every emotion you've ever experienced in this moment, and you finally begin to feel your own existence.
I have never been so conscious of my life as I am in these moments. To exist in a natural event, where nothing is tainted by man- it's entirely freeing. I am happy, truly and erratically happy. My heart can feel everything it wants to feel, without the worry of being broken.
When I am with him, I feel just as I felt on all of these nights. Not only do I press my face against the window, waiting for those bright jeep lights to shine on the house, but I experience freedom when I am with him. I am light and childlike, and my body warms when he enters the room. My heart flocks to him, and for once, I feel entirely safe entrusting someone with its care. I am no longer afraid of being alone, of feeling unwanted. He satisfies my every whim, and loves me with sincere intensity.
This summer, I will again experience these divine storms that have become so close to my heart. But I will no longer be alone in these moments. Silver-lining.
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